Just thought, it is a story worth talking about!

A year back I had my biggest downfall and hit rock bottom.

To be more precise, I had no job, I was mentally and physically ill, had no money but more debt, bills and rents to pay, and a family to provide to put food on the plate and I literally had nothing.

I was there for a while with no hope because I was scared to take any step and I was tired, to be honest. Everyone called me that I’m lazy, that I’m not trying my best and so many other things that hurt. They wanted me to be strong like it’s a switch that you turn on. Little do they know. They never saw the sacrifices I had made before, or how I battled my mental illness with no help or support, they never knew who I’m, how it is like to be in my place so I don’t blame them for showing up when I was at my lowest just to say petty things. It did not make me stronger, but it did make things harder for me. Some friends did help me keep myself alive and I’m grateful for it!

But if you would have asked me “Will you pull through?” a few months back I would have said, “No, I don’t think so!”

But right now I did pull through, I got a new job ( after several interviews, rejections and failures for a year) which I’m very grateful for. I’m learning new things, hurting and growing at the same time. Even if my future looks bleaker or the thought that a part of me is always going to be healing forever, it is scary that I have to stay strong or have hope for the future — but that is the beauty of it.

The journey itself is an experience whether or not I reach where I want to go. I won’t say these circumstances made me stronger, because it just sucks most of the time but I can’t be complaining either. So I have promised myself to just take things easy on me, do things I love like I started writing my first blog even if I might regret it later and that it is okay to be vulnerable and be that person who always feels a lot of things deeper than others and be the first person to cry for someone who is in the other side of the planet, and that it is okay if I’m not strong all the time because no one can!

I’m glad I pulled through, and that I have learned to accept myself in every way instead of trying to change myself so I could hurt less. Maybe someday I will be able to turn back at this entry and be proud of myself at last.